Excerpt from Chp. 29, “Healing Bhagavan”
One day on the beach I read a text by Swami Muktananda, a member of
Bhagavan’s lineage of gurus. After reading some of Muktananda’s book, I decided
to do what Muktananda described he had done in relation to his guru. He described
a practice of “installing the guru”—in his case Bhagavan Nityananda—in
all the parts of my body. So I tried “installing” Adi Da in my body. I did this, first
in the feet and legs, then the abdomen, chest, head, and so on. I a felt the rush
of bliss. When I got to the heart region, I felt the obstructions there dissolve. I
prayed to Bhagavan, “I wish you always to be in my heart.”
I instantly felt corrected by Bhagavan’s admonition “I am always already in
your heart.” A day later the retreatants received instruction that we were not to
read books by other teachers while on retreat. I had not said anything to anyone
about what I had done, but I felt directly corrected by Bhagavan. The practice
Muktananda had engaged was not a practice in the Way of Adidam, regardless of
the seemingly positive effects. Later on, Bhagavan did restore to us the reading
of other traditional texts. It just wasn’t part of the retreat process. The lesson for
me in that moment, though, was clear. My practice on retreat was to fulfill His
instructions to the letter in order to intensify the connection to Him. He knew
what was required for that. I didn’t.
One of the serving staff from Bhagavan’s house told me He had a lot of attention
on me. She said Bhagavan appreciated my service to others and had noted
how many people I had helped. During the next occasion of Darshan, Bhagavan
looked me straight in the eyes. I fell apart. After the occasion, I bowed and placed
my head on His foot mat. All my thoughts and attention on my body vanished.
In 1989, retreatants on the Island were meditating four times daily in a
screen-enclosed former orchid house where the distractions were legion. The
circumstance seemed designed to be a constant test of whether the practitioner
could set aside boredom and discomfort. I felt this retreat to be teaching me to
not let my mind wander, but instead to stay connected to Bhagavan. During one
of the Darshan occasions, I was distracted into looking away from Him for only
a second. His eyes had been closed the whole time till then, but when I looked
back at Him, one eye was open and looking straight at me. I was caught in the
act and getting another lesson about how directly aware He is of the quality of
devotees’ attention.
I was called to treat Bhagavan. When I arrived all ready to “fix the problem,”
He had already adjusted His back by doing some yoga. I did some treatments
on Him anyway. When I held His head in my hands, it felt relaxed and loose. I
worked on His front and back, then massaged His feet and calves. Later I learned
that Bhagavan’s blood pressure returned to normal during the treatment.
Three days later, Bhagavan Adi Da came into the clinic again. This time,
while holding His feet, I became riveted to the floor. After He left, I fell into blissful
meditation. I don’t know how many times I had to receive this lesson—that
when I give myself to Him, the Guru gives Himself back manyfold.
Copyright (c) 2011 A. Vidor Publications
